Category Archives: humor

My Resolutions for 2007

I find that I’m more successful in keeping my resolutions if I keep them secret for the year. Here’s the list I made last year. Honest.

Get named on some fancy schmancy list of big shots

Start an anonymous blog

Take Friday’s off

Join 42,674 social networks. (I fell short on this one, but I gave it my best effort)

Get a massive infection in my leg.

Go to Vegas without gambling a dime

Get interviewed

Talk like a pirate

Create a widget.

Introduce you to my messed up family

Make Teresa Boardman laugh, then make her cry

Meet iJustine

Learn to be a better listener

Improve my skills at being a smart ass.

Become popular by throwing a party with free tacos

Travel 900 miles to sign a poster.

Drink beer on Zillow’s dime, then drink beer on Trulia’s dime.

Meet Odis Jack Gillard

Use the term, “disintermediation” in a blog post

That’s it. Wait until you see what I’ve thought up for 2008!

I don’t want to be a zombie so stop throwing sheep at me

In one of Facebook’s endlessly useless widgets, Jonathan Washburn said I have a better sense of humor than one of his other “friends” (sorry, I don’t remember which one). I’ll take it as a compliment. I’d like to think I’m among the more light hearted among us. Who else would establish a mortgage industry blog and call it lenderama? On the other hand, there’s a line between light hearted fun and just plain freaking me out.

 

A couple weeks ago, Mariana Wagner used Facebook to throw a pumpkin at me. I’ve seen from first hand experience what throwing a pumpkin will do to a mailbox, and Mariana, that’s really not cool. April Groves used Facebook to tell me I’m the most likely person she knows to drop my keys in a toilet. Lani Anglin took the opportunity to tell me she thinks I’m a strong candidate to steal candy from a baby. Thanks ladies, why didn’t I think to put that on my resume? Can I list you two as references?

Jessica Hughes invited me to play TV trivia games with her, Maureen Francis wished me a happy birthday, and both Teresa Boardman and Frances Flynn Thorsen rank me not only as a “friend”, but as a “Top Friend”. Apparently plain old “friend” doesn’t have the same importance it once did. Not to be outdone, Kristal Kraft blew off the notion of including me as a mere “Top Friend”, and invited me to join her bloodline of vampires.

I shouldn’t be complaining here, especially with all these ladies poking, hugging, and throwing sheep at me. Except, all the women I mentioned so far are married. Trust me, when you’re as devilishly handsome as I am, there’s bound to be a jealous husband out there. There always is.

I joined Facebook primarily to network with other Real Estate Web2.0 professionals. I guess it’s working. I noticed Erica Lee had a Facebook account. She’s a PR agent that had contacted me in the past concerning one of her clients. When I sent out an offer to be her “friend”, all was silent. A few weeks later, when I met her in person, she told me she hadn’t recognized my name. She thought I was a stalker. Great… more material for the resume. At least she finally accepted my offer of “friendship”.

I’ve also tried joining groups on Facebook. After much trial and error, I’ve determined the point of a group is to join, then never once visit the group ever again. That reminds me, I need to start a group of my own, I’m sure everyone will join, they always do.

So far, my “friends” fall into two categories. People I already knew before Facebook, and people I still don’t know, but they asked to be “friends” with me. I don’t see the any reason to say no. According to Facebook, I have 73 “friends”. I have a question for nearly all of them. Do you wear Bermuda shorts to work? If I were still originating, there’s no way I would let my clients know I have my Facebook account. I’m sure there’s a way to professional represent yourself on Facebook, but I haven’t seen it. It appears to be more of an online playground, perfect for college kids, but kind of dumb for professionals in our industry. If you’ve found a better way, I’d love to see it.

In the mean time, I was only joking about the title. I’ve shelved the idea of doing business on Facebook, so go wild. Feel free to continue to throw sheep at me, invite me to your groups, and offer your “friendship”, even if you’re a complete stranger. Marina’s throwing mashed potatoes at me as I write this, so everyone might as well join in.